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Ways to avoid the Grief Forest

How do you avoid the grief forest?  The dark, pine filled, thorny bushed, vile paths. How do you walk in without getting your skin bruised, toe-stubbed, sometimes a tooth knocked out by the mysterious grief monsters? Maybe don't take the path at all. Go around it, its a longer route, but you'll avoid the wretched grief forest. Or like many, get through the good alternative - the valley of substance. You can sleep your way to the other side. You poke your head into the valley of substance and your mind goes to sleep. Sure, it ruins your body. But its the only way to avoid the darker alleys of the grief forest. Or find a way to fly over or dig under, to the other side. But beware, the wanderers who avoids the grief forest! It follows you - like a walking, breathing monster. When you least expect it, it engulfs you. "Feel me" - it yells into your ears. Sometimes, when you look back, it no longer follows. It would look like it backed away from you. You'd sigh of relie...
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Old Diaries

I re-read my old diary again. 
The one I wrote when I was fighting cancer. Reading it felt so easy. Like it wasn't so bad. Because the way I wrote about things seemed subtle.
Sure I wrote about the pain, the medicines, the feeling of being left out.
But, I saw a girl, writing for a future she didn't know would be possible for her.
She didn't ask for love. 
She craved the simple things. 
For her to be out in the sun, to walk amid people without the fear of getting an infection that could risk her life. 
To feel the hair on her head.
To have her thick eyebrows back. 
Health and happiness is what she craved for.
I do now.
Sure. I have had my heart broken a few times. 
Happiness feels so far away a lot of the days. But at least I can walk in the sun, feel my hair, thread my eyebrows when they grow too thick. 
The pain-struck teenager with a disease, causing her too much suffering, wrote about an uncertain future. 
Will I get to do all of these things?- she wondered, crying at night.
Will the pain go away? Do I get friends that'll love me? Will I get to have a job? A dog? 
Oh, you naive, pure thing. You do.
Pain, like happiness often visits, stays, places a kiss on your forehead and leaves. You'd miss her if she wasn't around. 
We need her around, not always, but we do. She teaches important lessons.
But you'll get to have 2 dogs of your own.
Both'll wag their tails when they hear the sound of your two-wheeler.Yes, you'll learn how to drive, don't be so surprised.
You'll land a small but good job, and work under a great senior, who'll remind you of your brother.
You'll make your money and buy the things you love with it.
You'll feel good even though your health takes a toll on you at times. 
Maybe the pain that I write down right now, will someday make my future-self smile with sympathy and love for the grieving 27-year-old.
A 27-year-old, who watches everyone around her falling in love, getting married, having babies, going on world tours, and thinking she's unlovable. The pain of spending time alone and no one to share the peculiar thoughts with. As I said, pain often visits. She didn't leave yet.
Maybe the pain-filled pages will turn when it's time.
Maybe I will find someone to truly love and be loved back. 
All the heartbreaks will teach me great things.
Maybe all will work out for me too.
What life teaches you, is to be patient.
Maybe it will work out.
Maybe it won't. 
I hope happiness stays a bit longer the next time.!

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