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What if I end things Now?

Years ago, as I lay on the hospital bed, tired and worn out,I thought of ending things. "Why suffer every day when I can just suffer once and put an end to it forever?"  Then I watch my mother sitting beside me, silently praying when she thinks I'm sleeping. She checks my medicine and stands long ques to buy me pills doctors prescribe.  And I'd think - "Maybe after she passes, I'll end it! She wouldn't bare if she loses me to my own mind after she fought with me to survive the cancer". The cancer's long gone, and I sit alone at night, unable to sleep. And I'd think, "I should just do it now". I'd think "maybe after I travel the world" If my life was a movie, I'd walk out after the first 30 minutes. But the movie lasts a whole 2 hours. So what if the first 30 minutes were boring, depressing? You have the rest of your movie! If the protagonist kills herself, that would be a terrible ending. So the protagonist waits,b...
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To be that Happy,again

I saw a boy on a motorbike with his father. He had no helmet on. He had a pack of biscuit though. 
He was eating biscuits on a motorbike, without a helmet. 
He turned back and saw me, on my motorbike, riding behind him. 
He smiled a shy smile, at me. I smiled back. 
When was the last time I smiled with genuine happiness, I don't quite remember.
Then he turned back again, smiled again at me. 
Oh to be that young and naïve.
To think that eating biscuits on the backseat of your father's motorbike is the most important thing in your life. 
To be that happy again.

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